Beaten... bloodied.... battered... But not defeated
April 2017... Time sure does fly. I knew I had not posted in some time, but to be honest... I was not sure I would ever post again.
Life... we all are living one and none of us are controlling it at all. Sure, we wake up every day and go through the routine. But what happens when "life" has an unexpected event happen? That is when you truly see how much control you really have. It is at this point that you learn that all you have control of is your reactions to it and that is just barely. For some, even our emotions are "out of control".
I stand here today and can tell you... There are times that only God has gotten me this far. A couple years ago, I was hit with a storm that has done nothing but destroy. It has gone on now for some time. Every time I think that it is beginning to "lift", the clouds get darker and the raging storm around me beats against me some more. Any man facing what trials I have gone through would probably quit. I know because, I have and often want too. Thank God for His strength, grace, and mercy. It is only because of Him that I can stand and face the trial.
I have dropped my guard from time to time and my foe has taken full advantage. I have wounds that should not be there. I have gashes that blood is flowing out of. I have no strength to carry on, and yet I find I must. I look around and see loved ones falling because of the battle we are in. I see some giving in and letting the foe get "victory". I see many submitting to the defeat and crying out that they had no choice, it was not their fault.
I have taken blows that have knocked me to my knees and from there I see my foe towering over me. His sneer and joy in the defeat he is about to bring causes my strength to flee. I glance to my side and find no one to help me. I look behind and see destruction, pain, sorrow... lost ground. And then I see... those following me. I see the hurt and pain in their eyes. I see that I sacrificed so much of what they needed to get a taste of "victory". I hear a noise and as my ears tune in to the sound... I hear my foe's allies knocking them to the ground. I hear their cries, I hear them call. Seeking for help. Asking for relief. I turn again and see... them looking at me.
How?... How can I lead? How can I be what they truly need? LOOK at my foe!? Can you NOT see! He is so much greater than I. He has given me things that I thought I wanted. He has placed obstacles in my path that have caused me to stumble and fall. But the cost has been... Too much.
On my hands and knees in the filth and the mud. My arms are tired. My sword and shield are so heavy. I cannot lift them again. I cannot face my demons any more. Maybe I should just let him win? But at what cost? My loved ones? My life's example to others? Do they not matter in this fight? Will they give in because I gave up the fight?
NO!! This will not be. I know one who is greater than he. I see some who have given in. I see those who have let him win. They look so sad and defeated still. There is no victory when I give in to his will. Some that I followed have failed in their fight. Seeing it happen yeah, it has caused me to take thought of flight.
I tighten my grip on my sword... I raise up on one knee... I bow my head... "Lord, long ago I asked you to save me. Long ago I surrendered to your will for my life. Father, you said in your word that I hold in my hand that you would never leave me or forsake me. I have been wrong. I have attempted to take the reigns of my life and control what I cannot. Please, Lord, I need you now. There are others watching me. There are others who need me. I cannot accept this defeat any more."
I slowly lift my head to see terror in the eyes of my foe still towering over me. I hear a crack in his voice as he cries out for reinforcements. A force that he can never overpower has come to bare. The mighty King of Kings and Lord of Lords...and my father. He reaches down and helps me to my feet. I look at Him and a word I cannot speak. He smiles at me.
I feel strength renewed. Faith... my shield that was so heavy... it's a little lighter now. His Word... my sword... sharper, deadlier... I understand it all a little bit more. By faith I take a step forward. A dart, a spear, a sword... deflected. My faith has grown a little more. I lift my sword and proclaim the truth. I see my Lord command my foe to step back. Submission is not in his mind, he lashes out and hits me another time. I recoil... but no... I will not fall. God is with me, He will not allow me to fall.
I raise my voice to those who follow. "Look to Christ alone! He will give you the victory!" I look to those who have already fallen and proclaim that "God is still to you calling. He has the victory, just cry out to Him!"
The battle (storm) is fierce and still ongoing. I am proclaiming now that with all I am, I am leaning on Christ to see me through. I may never see victory in my life time. I may never see the "results" that my heart cries out for. But at the end of time, I will receive VICTORY! Why because in my life I want God to be glorified. By His grace, He will!
Life... we all are living one and none of us are controlling it at all. Sure, we wake up every day and go through the routine. But what happens when "life" has an unexpected event happen? That is when you truly see how much control you really have. It is at this point that you learn that all you have control of is your reactions to it and that is just barely. For some, even our emotions are "out of control".
I stand here today and can tell you... There are times that only God has gotten me this far. A couple years ago, I was hit with a storm that has done nothing but destroy. It has gone on now for some time. Every time I think that it is beginning to "lift", the clouds get darker and the raging storm around me beats against me some more. Any man facing what trials I have gone through would probably quit. I know because, I have and often want too. Thank God for His strength, grace, and mercy. It is only because of Him that I can stand and face the trial.
I have dropped my guard from time to time and my foe has taken full advantage. I have wounds that should not be there. I have gashes that blood is flowing out of. I have no strength to carry on, and yet I find I must. I look around and see loved ones falling because of the battle we are in. I see some giving in and letting the foe get "victory". I see many submitting to the defeat and crying out that they had no choice, it was not their fault.
I have taken blows that have knocked me to my knees and from there I see my foe towering over me. His sneer and joy in the defeat he is about to bring causes my strength to flee. I glance to my side and find no one to help me. I look behind and see destruction, pain, sorrow... lost ground. And then I see... those following me. I see the hurt and pain in their eyes. I see that I sacrificed so much of what they needed to get a taste of "victory". I hear a noise and as my ears tune in to the sound... I hear my foe's allies knocking them to the ground. I hear their cries, I hear them call. Seeking for help. Asking for relief. I turn again and see... them looking at me.
How?... How can I lead? How can I be what they truly need? LOOK at my foe!? Can you NOT see! He is so much greater than I. He has given me things that I thought I wanted. He has placed obstacles in my path that have caused me to stumble and fall. But the cost has been... Too much.
On my hands and knees in the filth and the mud. My arms are tired. My sword and shield are so heavy. I cannot lift them again. I cannot face my demons any more. Maybe I should just let him win? But at what cost? My loved ones? My life's example to others? Do they not matter in this fight? Will they give in because I gave up the fight?
NO!! This will not be. I know one who is greater than he. I see some who have given in. I see those who have let him win. They look so sad and defeated still. There is no victory when I give in to his will. Some that I followed have failed in their fight. Seeing it happen yeah, it has caused me to take thought of flight.
I tighten my grip on my sword... I raise up on one knee... I bow my head... "Lord, long ago I asked you to save me. Long ago I surrendered to your will for my life. Father, you said in your word that I hold in my hand that you would never leave me or forsake me. I have been wrong. I have attempted to take the reigns of my life and control what I cannot. Please, Lord, I need you now. There are others watching me. There are others who need me. I cannot accept this defeat any more."
I slowly lift my head to see terror in the eyes of my foe still towering over me. I hear a crack in his voice as he cries out for reinforcements. A force that he can never overpower has come to bare. The mighty King of Kings and Lord of Lords...and my father. He reaches down and helps me to my feet. I look at Him and a word I cannot speak. He smiles at me.
I feel strength renewed. Faith... my shield that was so heavy... it's a little lighter now. His Word... my sword... sharper, deadlier... I understand it all a little bit more. By faith I take a step forward. A dart, a spear, a sword... deflected. My faith has grown a little more. I lift my sword and proclaim the truth. I see my Lord command my foe to step back. Submission is not in his mind, he lashes out and hits me another time. I recoil... but no... I will not fall. God is with me, He will not allow me to fall.
I raise my voice to those who follow. "Look to Christ alone! He will give you the victory!" I look to those who have already fallen and proclaim that "God is still to you calling. He has the victory, just cry out to Him!"
The battle (storm) is fierce and still ongoing. I am proclaiming now that with all I am, I am leaning on Christ to see me through. I may never see victory in my life time. I may never see the "results" that my heart cries out for. But at the end of time, I will receive VICTORY! Why because in my life I want God to be glorified. By His grace, He will!
Comments
Post a Comment